The randoms

Waitress: What can I get you guys this morning? Milk, Coffee, Water?
Me: Water
Matt: Water
Trev: Same…water, wait no, yeah, wait…coffee…yeah coffee.
Waitress: okay I’ll get that out to you.
Matt: Make up your fucking mind, man.
Trev: I figure, it’s cheap, it’s only like 26 cents, wait, I bet it’s like three bucks, fuck.
Matt: did you just win an argument with yourself?

Jenna: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: I’m actually taking Friday off, going to make it a 4 day weekend.
Jenna: So what are you going to do?
Me: I’m not sure, it’s supposed to be shitty out.
Jenna: Then go to work.
Me: the point of taking vacation is that I don’t have to go to work.
Jenna: you don’t actually work at work anyway.
Me: good point.

Dad: I thought you were coming here this weekend.
Me: Yeah, but it’s going to shitty out, I won’t get to golf or hang in the pool.
Dad: So what are you going to do in Lincoln?
Me: Probably just get drunk.
Dad: You can do that here.
Me: Yeah, but when I pass out naked here, I don’t feel so awkward when I wake up.

Me: How was your first day in the real world.
Matt: gay.
Me: That can’t bode well for the future.
Matt: It most certainly can not.